[true story] So i was walking down the street...

This is a completely true story, nothing has been added or changed in any way.
     
      So i was walking down the street the other day when all of the sudden an elderly man jumped out at me.
     "Excuse me kind sir," he started as he eyed me from top to bottom, "but could i interest you in an enchantment or sorcery of some kind on this fine day?"
     "an enchantment or sorcery of some kind?" i repeated back to him skeptically, "are you proposing to me that you, a man of many years has mastered the art of the magical magics?"
     "Perhaps..." he responded with a growing hesitation "who asks such a question in such a way?"
     "A mier mortal" i lied cooly to him.
     For what seemed ages we stood face to face, locked in an icy stare-down, neither daring to remove a suspicious eye from the other.
     "what if i were to say..." the old man trailed off " 'dragon powder' "
     Instantly he knew that i knew that he knew i too was (and still am btw) a mighty scorcerer by my reaction to the softly spoken codeword. without a seconds pause, we each cast a distance spell, shooting us in opposite directions on the sidewalk and giving us space so that we could better combat with our spells.
     "You never should have come here!" i shouted to him, "for i, the mystic warrior, will not allow your kind in my neighborhood!"
     "We shall see who shouldn't have come to where!" he said back
     "that doesn't really make any sense" i said
     "Irregardless, i shall now destroy you!" he sang
     "Irregardless isn't a word!" i shoot back at him
     "what?"
     "It's not a word, regardless is a word, but irregardless isn't, it doesn't mean anything, it's kind of like a double negative."
     "What are you talking about"
     "Irregardless isn't a word. i'm just saying"
     "But you know what i ment by it no?" he sneered
     "Yes...i suppose but-"
     "Ha, then it's a word!"
     "Darn" i released under my breath, "Never mind you illiterate old hag, prepare to die by the potency of my spell!
     "Magical Mongoose of DOOOM!" Without warning, he shoot a magical flaming mongoose at me with a mere mumble from his bearded face, and quickly followed that spell up with protective shield that encompassed him like a giant bubble at a hubbabubba bubblegum bubble blowing competition.
      "You're too slow old man!" i yelled
     "And you too foolish young stallion!" he shot back
      "i mumbled a reverse day incantation on you the split second you jumped out of the bush, so your shield will be on me and your precious flaming mongoose will soon be gnawing on your wretched leg!" i was beaming with confidence.
     "what?!" he screeched as he saw his magical mongoose of doom turn it's path and head towards him, "you win this round you incredibly good looking young man, but next time, you wont be so lucky!" and with that he cast a vanishing spell on me which actually went onto him because of the opposite day spell i had just cast onto him.
     "Next time," i said said to the now vacant fall air, "i wont let you escape...." and with that, i continued my walk as if nothing had ever happened...